


Leaving Bogano

by creative_frequency



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Guilt, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21693580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creative_frequency/pseuds/creative_frequency
Summary: There was something there and you’re not sure if it exists anymore. And you feel guilty for wanting more.
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Original Female Character(s), Cal Kestis/Reader
Kudos: 92





	Leaving Bogano

Silently leaning on the corridor wall, you watched as Cere knighted Cal.

Cal Kestis. _A Jedi knight._

You had no right, but you nevertheless felt conflicted. Joy as the topmost feeling, but sadness and concern, maybe even an urge to deny his ascendance. He had earned this, thousandfold. He was ready.

You just weren’t sure if you were.

Cal turned to leave, no doubt about to spend a moment meditating, when his eyes fell on you standing by the doorway.

You wanted to congratulate him, though you had no idea would that be proper. The Jedi ways and behavioral culture had always been a mystery, by a choice for you, even.

“Hey, you okay?” Cal asked quietly, disconcertingly aware, that there was no privacy aboard the Mantis if you wanted to talk.

You shook your head and forced a smile.

_A Jedi knight._

You looked into each other’s eyes in a silent dialogue. He had seen so much pain, been through far too much and yet, there he stood, head held high and back straight, very much alive. Those grey eyes and the many emotions in them had become familiar in the past weeks, but each time you looked into them felt like you were given a Rubicon cube to solve.

You wanted to touch his face, but there were others in the room. They were trying not to openly stare–though Greez didn’t bother trying to be sneaky–but you knew your every word and motion was followed.

It was painful. The heavy feeling panging inside you made you realize that a part of you had hoped Cal would abandon the Jedi Order after his quest was completed. Let Cere take the reins after the holocron was found. There was so much life for him to see. You wanted to take him away, to shield him from the eyes of the world so he could be safe, at peace. The Jedi path had brought him so much pain and suffering.

But it was not your decision to make. _You had no right_ to feel that way. You were just a distraction to him.

You didn’t even know yourself what you were wishing for and the selfishness of it all made your insides twist in shame. The panging of guilt got louder and heavier, and you had to look away.

“We’ll talk later,” you uttered.

“Sure,” Cal replied, brows knitted with wordless questions. His hands were tied too.

You let him walk past you to the back of the ship and looked up to see Merrin and Greez staring at the afflicted look on your face.


End file.
